Electronic gobbledygook

The Man from Madras Musings who, ever since the Chief went electronic, has graduated to e-mails, now receives several mails a day. And while most of them have a line or two of content, several have a huge “disclaimer” attached to the bottom upon reading which MMM got the impression that he has sold himself in perpetuity to the sender of the e-mail, in addition to being accused of felony and other such similar crimes. One such official disclaimer goes as follows:

“DISCLAIMER: The information contained in this e mail including attachments is confidential and intended solely for the addressee. Access to this e-mail by anyone else is unauthorised. Any use, distribution, printing, retransmission, disse­mination, copying, disclosure or other use of this e-mail by any other person is strictly prohibited and may be illegal. If you received this in error, please notify the sender by reply e-mail and then destroy the message. Electronic transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure and, accordingly, the sender does not accept liability for any such data corruption, interception, unauthorised amendment, viruses, delays or the consequences thereof. Opinions expressed in this e mail are those of individuals, unless specifically indicated. The corporate entity, its subsidiaries and directors, officers and employees make no representation nor accept any liability for the accuracy or completeness of the views or information contained herein.”

While all the above is no doubt to the good, it amuses MMM no end that employees who send chain mails that promise good luck to those who send the same mail to twenty others within six hours or foretell untold horrors to those who ignore it, also attach these disclaimers at the bottom. Reader Ejji, whose visiting card used to claim that he was a ‘retired rat race runner’, sent an e-mail that had MMM rolling on the floor laughing. For it had this message at the end:

“IMPORTANT – ANTI-DISCLAIMER – This e-mail is not and cannot, by its nature, be confidential. En route from me to you, it will pass across the public Internet, easily readable by any number of system administrators along the way. If you have received this message by mistake, it would be ridiculous for me to tell you not to read it or copy to anyone else, because, let’s face it, if it’s a message revealing confidential information or that could embarrass me intensely, that’s precisely what you’ll do. Who wouldn’t? Likewise, it is superfluous for me to claim copyright in the contents, because I own that anyway, even if you print out a hard copy or disseminate this message all over the known universe. I don’t know why so many corporate mail servers feel impelled to attach a disclaimer to the bottom of every e-mail message saying otherwise. If you don’t know either, why not e-mail your corporate lawyers and system administrators and ask them why they insist on contributing so much to the waste of bandwidth. And do add this anti­disclaimer too!”

MMM hopes that the tribe of readers and e-mail users of the like of Ejji increases.

Monsoon diggings...

It was only a couple of issues ago that The Man from Madras Musings had written about how the Corporation had announced that it proposed to refrain from digging during the Monsoons, no matter what temptations were placed in its way to do so. But the men who…er… man the Electricity Board had obviously not heard of this resolution decided to carve out a piece of earth by themselves.

No doubt they had chosen this time of the year as it is cooler and the water drops falling on those who dig would naturally keep them comfortable. Anyway, long trenches were dug for laying cables and, sure enough, the skies gave great chuckles shortly after the work began and opened up and gave of their plenty which flooded the gaping holes in the ground causing untold misery to everyone. As MMM waded by, he could see a signboard which had a message that was probably a Freudian slip. For, while the “Go Slow” was intended for motorists, it also indicated the EB’s speed of working. MMM who, even while getting submerged till the waist, is ever thinking of this journal’s well-being (Chief to please note, if he can spare the time from thinking otherwise) clicked the picture which you see with today’s column.

... & weddings

The season of tying knots is once again upon us. And The Man from Madras Musings shudders. For, this will mean commuting to far-flung parts of the city, such as Puzhudivakkam, Kovil­am­bakkam, Chitlapakkam, Adam­bakkam and other such Pakkams and Vak­kams, all in the company of heavily bejewelled and perfumed females of the family, all of whom imagine that MMM is practically jobless and has nothing to do other than ferrying them thither. “You will also get some material for your column,” is the encouragement they give.

MMM uses the word ‘ferry’ guardedly, but he thinks that Roget would approve. For most of these places are submerged during the Monsoons and remain that way till at least December.

MMM will be pardoned for making a statement of fact. Nothing is worse designed than the average kalyana mandapam in the city when it comes to withstanding the Monsoon. Car parking space is negligible, roads around these places are narrow, acoustics are disastrous, you have what is called ‘light music’ which in decibel levels would put Heavy Metal to shame, hygiene is given the go by, and when it comes to drains, the less said the better.

It was after a visit to one such marriage hall where the toilets had flooded and were giving of their plenty that an elderly relative of MMM said that he would prefer the hereafter any day to Chennai in the Monsoon!

– MMM