Click here for more...

(ARCHIVE) Vol. XX No. 23, March 16-31, 2011
Short 'N' Snappy

Election Musings

It is that time of the year,Chief, when the thoughts of The Man from Madras Musings automatically drift towards seat-sharing, campaigning, slogan-raising and the rest of the hustle and bustle that go to make up electioneering in our country. MMM is all for it, may he add, and, in all humility, he feels that it is time that the heritage enthusiasts of the city participate more wholeheartedly in the process. For, after all, elections are when the people’s voices are heard, if our politicians are to be believed, and it is high time we made heritage a people’s process.

In this matter, Chief, it is best that you follow what MMM advises, for, as is well-known, you are but a babe in the woods when it comes to such procedures and MMM wishes to assure you that he, on the other hand, has given considerable thought to the whole thing. Firstly, Chief, we need a Party. Since no political party appears to be willing to touch heritage with a barge-pole, it is best that we launch one ourselves on the plank of eradicating untouchability – ensuring that heritage buildings cannot be touched. We need a forum for that and why not create one for ourselves – the Chennai Heritage Munnetra Kazhagam (CHMK)? In this land of ours, it is important that the abbreviated name of the party makes sense and as you can see for yourself, Chief, the initials CHMK are chic, stylish and very much in keeping with the acronyms of ALL other political outfits in the State. Next, Chief, we need an organisation within the party. You had better be Kazhaga Thanthai, or founding father. Naturally that also means you are elected President/Secretary for life. You also need a newsletter to be sent to the “beads of your eyes” so they know your views, sorry, diktats. But, for that, you already have a medium – Madras Musings.

Next, we come to the matter of Party manifesto. Ours will be simple. Our slogan will be ‘Old is Gold’. We shall fight to bring heritage, hitherto an unmentionable, untouchable and most backward subject into the mainstream of local thought. If elected, we will ensure that heritage is in the forefront, sharing the dais, walking through the same streets and drinking out of the same glasses as such privileged subjects as real estate, flyover building and ground-breaking for underground projects. It will have its reserved quota of legislative time. Our party symbol will be a silhouette of the Bharat Insurance Building and, if LIC objects, we can always settle for Gokhale Hall. Once elected, our first step will be to re-re-rename several localities. Kattupakkam will be Catawaulk, Mylapore and Triplicane will be covenanted to remain as such in the Constitution, and Valasaravakkam will be Wazarawaulk, as it appeared in the records of once-upon-a-time.

Chief, you in all your innocence may be worried about not attracting enough followers. And this is where you err. It is high time we unleashed the powers of your regular contributors on the general public. Prema will handle schools and colleges and it may be best that INTACH under her becomes the Youth Brigade, or Ilaignar Ani (all parties have one). Chithra will organise meetings outside temples, Ranjitha will take care of clubs, Sriram the sabha-s. Pradeep will take care of campaigning in the language of Tamil inscriptions, and Biswajit will be in charge of political graffiti. Anwar, Susheela and Sashi can handle the Press and as for street-corner meetings, since we do not want to disrupt traffic, we can have them in tree-rich parks, courtesy Shobha. Dr. G.S., having been in the IAS, will be our adviser once we are elected to power. And CGP and Dharmes will handle mailers and letters to the public. With that we are all settled.

In case you are concerned about where the money is going to come from, Chief, let MMM assure you that you only need to form a party and announce it at a suitable forum (like, say, the Madras Book Club) and you will see that the moolah flows in like water. That has been the story of all political outfits.

Once we have declared ourselves political, we can also aim to form a television channel and thereby take heritage directly into households. A few mega serials shot in George Town, Chepauk and the Marina will definitely help. S.V.’s storylines be damned; we can safely manage with car-chases down the Marina, street fights in George Town, arrest and interrogation scenes at the Harbour police station (which is a heritage building) and bedside sequences at the Stanley/RSRM Hospital. That is all we need apart from a few scenes showing women either fighting or weeping hysterically. That can be done in any heritage home. So what, you say, Chief? Just say the word, Chief, and your followers will take care of the rest. And who knows, we may be then called for seat-sharing talks. If so, we will insist on Chepauk, George Town, Royapuram, Mylapore, Triplicane, San Thomé (never let them forget the accent you insist on) and other such old villages. And if elected we will have the swearing-in ceremony either at Senate House or in the Tamil Nadu Archives.

P.S.: What is that you said, Chief? You haven’t looked at political news since you left Ceylon and the booted and suited, cricket-loving Trotskyites in 1968 and you like life that way. Fie on you, Chief, you don’t know what you’re missing. But all right, let’s get back to Madras Musings; it was a wonderful dream while it lasted.

A policeman’s woes

It is not often that The Man from Madras Musings writes on a serious note and his lack of sobriety (in writing, that is, on other counts, let MMM assure his readers that all these columns are thought up only on the strength of water and milk) has often caused concern. The Chief has frequently asked him to curb his (MMM’s) levity. But there are happenings that make MMM sad and one of these is the plight of the traffic constable.

Most of us on the roads curse this man whose thankless job it is to keep the traffic flowing when all of us are doing our best to jump traffic signals, move to the wrong side of the road, jaywalk, or park the car in exactly the wrong places. And as the temperature (political and meteorological) keeps increasing, the task of this man requires the patience of Job.

It was just the other day that the news broke of a policeman having committed suicide owing to work pressure. The body was kept in the Royapettah mortuary and, thanks to the comings and goings of several kith and kin and the senior police officers he had blamed, the traffic became unmanageable. MMM had to travel by that route almost four times during the hottest times of that day. And each time he saw a lone harried constable trying his level best to keep the traffic flowing. The waiting time on all sides of the junction had extended to at least 15 minutes and each driver as he/she passed the policeman had only a nasty word to say about the way the traffic was being managed. But, and this is what MMM would like to emphasise: the traffic WAS managed pretty well. There was no accident, the vehicles did move, albeit slowly, and the lone policeman did remain on duty, the heat, the dust and the pollution notwithstanding, in addition to the probable trauma of losing a colleague. So, was it not an occasion to appreciate the man instead of abusing him?

– MMM


In this issue

Elevated road faces 30 stringent conditions
State's red lights due for regulation
Taking a closer look at the Nilgiris
An ancient tradition of Tamil Nadu – PAINTING
Conserving energy – to reduce global warming
Other stories

Our Regulars

Short 'N' Snappy
a-Musing
Our Readers Write
Dates for your diary

Archives

Back to current issue...