From each according to his capacity

That, if you remember, was one half of the socialist credo, the other half being: To each according to his work. That may be applicable to mankind in general, but when it comes to vehicles in this city of Madras that is Chennai, The Man from Madras Musings feels that the motto is: From each in far excess of capacity. This may be applicable to the public buses which are forever bursting at the seams, but it is more applicable, in MMM’s view, to the smaller vehicles – the Tempo – the once popular-but-later-banned-and-now-still-in-use Fish Carts, the motorcycle and the cycle.

All of the above-named are used to transport loads for which they are not designed. Heavy steel rods and pipes, gunny bags, a multitude of passengers, for example. But the steel rods are the most common or, should MMM say, the most favoured? You can see them mounted on the rear of Tempos, on fish carts, held aloft by a pillion rider like some noble standard on motorcycles (fortunately only one rod or pipe is carried thus and never horizontally), and on cycles, with the rider of the cycle himself carrying the load along. In order to warn those who may come too close to the vehicle, the transporters of heavy pipes, being the altruistic souls that they are, put up a sign of sorts – usually a small piece of red cloth or paper which is so tiny and its shade so faded that you end up seeing it long after you have seen the pipe. There are also certain rules and regulations that such people follow. In case of Tempo vans and fish carts, the length of the pipes being carried has to be at least twice the length of the vehicle. This ensures that the pipes bend at the rear, almost touching the ground. That takes care of any frontal imbalance, which may cause the vehicle to suddenly lift itself up rather like a dog begging for a biscuit. At times, the rods stoop so low that they rub on the macadam giving rise to sparks. It is a kind of a routine Deepa­vali for these vehicles.

In the case of two-wheelers, MMM notices, the height of the pipe/ladder/rod has to be such that it can get safely entangled with overhead wires and political party buntings. And when it comes to cycles, the weight of the rod or the load ought to ensure that it, and not the rider, controls the movement of the vehicle.

The other day, MMM was on the prowl as usual and he happened to see a cycle laden with bags of flour. The poor cyclist could not do the pedalling and was only walking along. But all of a sudden, in an apparent burst of enthusiasm, he jumped on to his vehicle and began pedalling away to glory. The man had obviously not realised that the cycle was obeying the bags and not him. MMM raced along to see how far this circus would go and he was amply rewarded. At one spot, the traffic ground to a halt and our man had to brake suddenly too. He could do this only by jumping off and the load on the cycle was so much that it continued moving by itself. It shot forward and got mixed with a whole lot of other vehicles. The bags fell down, burst and engulfed the whole area in flour. Last seen, a terrific argument had begun between those who had been showered with flour and the cyclist. And a policeman, who had been a benign bystander thus far, suddenly galvanised himself into action. But MMM did not tarry to see what happened.

Why should there not be some regulation in all this?

Sine of the Tymes

To the regulars of Madras Musings, this is a familiar heading and they would know what to look for – a photograph of some ridiculously bad piece of English in a public spot. And as The Man from Madras Musings knows that a picture is worth at least a thousand words, he is always on the lookout for such signboards, as that would result in his having to write less for this column.

The signboard at the Mandaveli MRTS parking lot had appeared on MMM’s radar quite some time ago. But he had, out of sheer lethargy, postponed taking a photograph of it. But what with the Chief banging on the table and asking as to where did MMM think the next issue was going to come from if he did not do his bit, the matter could be postponed no longer. And, so, it was on a Monday morning, which is when, as most psychologists will inform you, such suicidal missions occur, MMM set off, armed with his camera. Having taken the photograph, MMM was leaving when the contractor who was managing the parking lot accosted him and asked as to why MMM was taking the photograph. MMM thinking that this was one of those official busybodies whose main purpose in life was to prevent people taking photographs of public places, told him that there were several English errors in the signboard and set off at a brisk pace. Looking back, MMM could see that the man was lost in thought, but suddenly he came to life, rather like Hermione in The Winter’s Tale. He came running to MMM with what appeared to be the snatching of the camera as his sole motive.

MMM decided to battle it out. Having put the camera safely away, MMM asked him what he wanted. The answer took MMM by surprise. From the recesses of what could be his underwear, the man brought out a piece of paper and a pen. He then asked MMM to point out the errors and write the correct spelling. It was all that MMM could do to prevent himself from embracing the chap and planting a kiss on his cheeks. With a hand shaking with emotion, MMM wrote the correct version out and handed it over to the contractor. The man promised to have the corrected signboard put up in a couple of days. MMM is waiting and watching.

What freebies?

Remember, Chief, that proposal that The Man from Madras Musings had presented for the formation of the Chennai Heritage Munnetra Kazhagam? You, Chief, may have shot the idea down, but let MMM assure you that several people have pledged their support and are assuring us of their votes. But they want to know what the freebies are that we can offer them once we come to power. Some have suggested white goods, while others are demanding cows, laptops and gold. The last named, they feel, would be a clincher, as our motto is Old is Gold. But then, Chief, what with our limited purse, these things may not be possible. All that we can offer are some heritage walks (on cost basis). We can’t even give Madras Musings free, as we will thereby violate some Postal Act of the 19th Century. So our hands are tied. But MMM lives on in hope, continuing the dream!

– MMM