Fault lines on a flyover

A fortnight ago The Man from Madras Musings wrote about the Royapettah clock tower roundabout and many of you of the MM congregation under the pontificate of the Chief were kind enough to express your appreciation. Fifteen days later, MMM once again writes of Royapettah, this time about its flyover. Though glorified by that name, it is nothing but a narrow strip of elevated road with two lanes, one for each direction of traffic. The service lanes below are eternally in a state of being dug up and so have long been given up as useless. Consequently, there is heavy load on the flyover, all the time.

Early one morning, residents who live along the flyover were woken up to a tremendous sound, followed by the sickening noise of crunching metal. It was a collision involving a couple of two-wheelers, both being in the wrong lanes. Fortunately there was no loss of life or limb. After trading a couple of filthy abuses, the two who tried to tango but became tangled parted ways. Royapettah went back to its routine.

Such collisions are par for the course. Two-wheeler riders repeatedly find their way blocked by slow-moving vehicles and being the optimists they are, keep trying to move ahead by darting into the lane meant for oncoming vehicles. The major risk here is that of a vehicle suddenly appearing from the opposite side necessitating a sudden zig, which works provided the party of the other part zags in cooperation. The problem occurs when the zig party zags and the zag party also zags or when the zag party zigs and so does the zig party. You get the picture.

In such instances, there is no option but to suffer collisions, rise, check for injuries, and heap choice insults and rebukes on each other. But MMM did say that these two-wheeler users were optimists, did he not? And so despite a number of these zigzag attempts ending up in zigzigs and zagzags, there is always the belief that such things happen to others and so why not try and get ahead one more time?

Last fortnight, the authorities embarked on some urgent repair work on the flyover. At the end of the exercise, none, including MMM, was the wiser as to what work was actually done. Whatever it was, it involved blocking one lane at a time, and on the blocked lane a series of small metal humps were placed. A barricade was erected at the entrance to the flyover, which further acted as a deterrent to those wanting to take that lane to go across. But did that prevent our two-wheeler friends from hoping that they could reach the other side? They simply began using the lane that was open for traffic from the opposite direction. Whenever they espied a particularly large vehicle coming their way, they would duck into the closed lane, wait for the vehicle to pass and then get back. In effect, a single lane on the flyover was handling two-way traffic. A week later, the up lane was opened and work began on the down lane. The chaos simply shifted from left to right.

So what, you ask. And MMM can hear most of you muttering that this story ought to have never been allowed in print. MMM has lost it, you declare, and so has the Chief. But you don’t know the end of it as yet.

Last week, a bus made bold to do the same thing. The metal barricade was pushed to a side and bus made the ascent, egged on by passengers, conductor and driver. Halfway up, a metal hump caved in and there was no way the bus could cross. Have you ever seen a bus reverse down a flyover? MMM has, and let him tell you it is not for the faint-hearted.

Mammon worship

These are tough times and The Man from Madras Musings being tough gets going – to temples. One of his favourites is the shrine where the Goddess took the form of a peacock to worship the Lord. The priests here are an open book, at least as far as MMM is concerned. A rupee coin on the offertory plate will elicit a pinch of vermillion and a surly look, two rupees a grunt and a pinch of vermillion, five rupees a smile, a flower and a pinch of vermillion, ten rupees a grin, a blessing, and all of the above. Rupees fifty, they say, means a pouch of vermillion. But of that MMM knows not.

What happens when you give a hundred rupees is well known to MMM. This happened several years ago when MMM, then a demure new-comer from Delhi, waited at the altar. Just ahead of him, and blocking most of MMM’s view, was a gentleman of full habit. If he bulged at all odd spots, his wallet bulged even more. The priest arrived with the plate and the fat man deposited a hundred rupee note on it. MMM, then being a student, merely smiled at the priest. Imagine MMM’s surprise when a large garland was placed around his neck, benedictions were sung in full-throated voice and vermillion applied on his forehead. The priest then beamed at the businessman and, pointing at MMM, said that he was extremely happy that he, the businessman, had brought his (the businessman’s) son to the temple. “Nothing like beginning our good traditions early, is it not”? asked the priest in chatty vein. He then patted MMM on the head. The businessman was just turning a rather bright shade of purple when MMM decided to leave, garland and all.

That was, as MMM said, several years ago and no doubt the purchasing power of a hundred rupees has drastically come down despite the best efforts of Chief’s friend who promised to preserve Bharat Insurance Building and convert it into an art gallery. But be that as it may, the priests too need to make a living and every little bit counts.

That times were bad, however, came home to MMM rather strongly recently when he visited the same temple. At the altar of the Goddess, three priests stood and, somewhat like vendors attracting custom to their wares, were outdoing each other in beckoning devotees. MMM gave his offering to the one who smiled the most, whereupon the others openly cursed their fate and said that the smiling priest had the luck of the devil. Such is life.

Tailpiece

The Man from Madras Musings is still chuckling. Apparently, a real estate firm of the city hired an actress as its promoter-model and put up a large hoarding on the outskirts, prominently featuring her face. Under it was the caption, “One thousand satisfied customers.” The actress did not participate in the laughter with which this was greeted. Last week, the hoarding was removed.

-MMM