Plea-Plan

Open letter to the Universal Forces who decide Outcome (sometimes irreverentially referred to as the UFO):

Hi Guys (Oops, mistake – scratch that). Salutations, Mighty Ones, whose inscrutable ways are beyond mere human understanding – which explains why ‘Sinking Feeling Syndrome’ (SFS) is a chronic human condition.

"I see some problems... but, for the function to go off smoothly, you will have to break a thousand coconuts, feed at least fifty poor people and perform milk abhishekam to Lord Ganesha!"

Here’s a request from said humans who, despite SFS, insist, with boneheaded optimism, on planning events involving tons of relatives, friends, travel, food, and other unpredictables.

Could you please, please, ensure in the days and weeks that surround the said events:

That no ‘bandhs’ are declared;

That no VIP movement causes intolerable traffic snarl-ups;

That no political party decides to settle scores in standard explicit fashion;

That Transport, as an entity, does not choose to strike;

That your universal colleagues handling natural disasters don’t start getting creative;

That viruses don’t suddenly manifest even more varied and virulent forms;

That essentials do not suddenly turn elusive;

That fundamentalists, of all hues, cease and desist (for eternity, if possible);

And, with all respect to your book-keeping, that no ‘celebrity’ ...er.... ‘moves on’ at this precise instance... because, guys, seriously, all hell breaks loose here...you won’t believe the rioting and civic disruption over something so beyond human control.

Also, please ensure antacid manufacturers work overtime.

G...that is, You Bless!