On Yoga Day

Did you yoga on International Yoga Day, Chief? You will be happy to know that The Man from Madras Musings did not, for he yogas on all other days like nobody’s business and so decided to give it a miss on that day of days. Not so several others whom MMM knows. And they all did it in front of cameras. Some were of the still variety while others moved and by that MMM refers to the inability of most people to remain stationary while twisting their untrained bodies into knots.

The camera apparently was an integral part of the yoga. Of course, given the prevalent obesity, MMM is rather glad that those who yoga’d for the day, did so in suitable attire, for the ancients, who were rather fitter, did it in the almost altogether. Not so for our budding Sumo practitioners. Many garments were seen to be lifting up in postures of their own, resulting in men and women having their embonpoints exposed.

Now, where was MMM before he went midriff gazing? Ah yes, he was talking about the camera. Yes, that was deemed necessary because without that, how could all those in distant Chennai curry favour with the big boss up north? They had themselves recorded and the images and movies were duly uploaded on YouTube in the hope that the great leader would in an idle moment want to see these antics. A self-declared sage from down South came to our city to conduct mass breathing sessions in an open-air venue for benefit of an invited audience. His doppelganger rival, who has a a double double prefix prefix and usually hangs out in IT city flew to Edelweiss country to yoga there. A political hopeful who answers to a fairly junior army rank put up on the Internet his version of what he spoke of as ‘yoha’ which raised a number of hahas. In short, much energy was generated, everyone went around chanting Om and spoke of world peace. And they all did it on camera.

What intrigued MMM was an invitation from the Archaeological Survey of India to observe Yoga Day. Before opening the missive, MMM wondered as to how the Department proposed to yoga. Would the officials wrap themselves around the endangered buildings? Would they bend over backwards to protect dilapidated but historic structures? Or would they continue as they are – tying themselves up into bureaucratic knots? The invitation revealed that none of the above was being contemplated. It was an exhibition of yoga as seen in sculptures and temple art. MMM did not visit it. He preferred to lie on his back and let his mind wander. That, in MMM’s view, is the yoga of yogas.

The next day, even as MMM unrolled his yoga mat, he noticed that most of the ardent practitioners of the previous day had rolled up their mats forever. Several were calling up their doctors for unknotting themselves from the postures they had tried the previous day. Others complained of backache. In MMM’s considered view, the day after International Yoga Day ought to be declared International Aches and Pains Day.

Madras Week (again)

'Tis that time of the year again – what The Man from Madras Musings terms as Daft Suggestions Fortnight”. This usually comes about immediately after the Chief holds freth the first of at two press conferences announcing Madras Week. A whole host of “why don’t you” emails immediately crop up, every man and woman wanting the Chief and immediate coterie to take up all kinds of impossible tasks. Mind you, they are all good suggestions but pretty nigh impossible to fulfil and the persons who come up with them invariably have no clue as to how to go about any of them anyway.

In this connection, MMM would like to quote verbatim from two of the emails received:

“It’s great to hear about the Chennai Week. In this moment, We not only think about Chennai memories,We should also try and restore its values and ambience. In this great moment we will try to make our city much greener by planting more trees. As Chennai is the less polluted among all metro cities we can make it least polluted. As I do not know you might have planned already about this. I request you to organise an event for planting trees as a part of the event. Kindly invite actors like Vivek who had planted 25 lakhs trees all over Tamil Nadu can attract more people to involve more in this event.

“Many people like me are more interested to involve actively for a social and environmental cause which will directly benefit people and citys look.. Kindly Consider. I feel happy to share my feel to you, and you can make it last long.”

MMM had visions of the Chief himself and sundry hangers-on (the lady who writes the occasional humour column in particular) going around arm-in-arm with the film actors. At strategic spots, the group would unlink hands and then get down to work – MMM digging, the Chief placing the sapling, sundry hangers-on clapping and the actor smiling and bowing as though he had done all the hard work. And so on from sapling to sapling till the 25 lakh trees, or whatever the chosen number was, was completed. Come to think of it, why just 25 lakh, why not 376 lakh?

The other missive reads:

“No other city in India has heritage and celebration like this. But do you know that Chennai city is the city with least green cover in India. What are you celebrating about? More street side shops occupied platform than any other metro in India. Less number of parks and less number of water bodies.

“Even Maylapore tank is surrounded by illigal platform shops. Traffic is getting worst day by day due to CMDA and Copn poor foresight and planning. Plan sanction is a piece of paper with no scantity. No malls, store, restatement need to follow rules. I don’t know what you are celebrating about. If you are concerned, plant more trees and remove garbage on that day, rather than having a lame photo exhibition and chat forums. Sorry to have been blunt, as native of the city I feel we have to do much more than talking.”

It takes all kinds to make up the city, does it not? The point about Madras Week is that it is everyone’s festival. If these letter writers and others of their ilk feel something has to be celebrated or changed, it is up to them to do it. There is nothing to be achieved by sending emails to Madras Musings commanding the team to do things or whining about matters that don’t change.

- MMM