Understanding the headlines

These are times when the financial newspapers are full of depressing details and The Man from Madras Musings avoids them as far as possible. But when MMM notices headlines such as “Cap Temasek, GIC pie in listed cos to 10%: Finmin” he is forced to smile, if not actually laugh out loud. What exactly did that piece of information mean, he wondered, and for enlightenment read the body text. The Chief, who keeps egging MMM to come up with better and clearer headlines so that readers can be attracted to read the rest of story, now sees that there is an alternative method as well. You make the headline so incomprehensible that the reader reads on for greater understanding.

Talking about headlines reminds MMM of the time when he was in college. One of his closest friends was a brilliant student from up north, whose only grouse was that his English was not up to the mark. MMM suggested that he read newspapers regularly and consult a dictionary for words he did not understand. The plan worked well till MMM found his friend feverishly searching the dictionary for a particular word that had appeared in the headlines that day. He cursed the dictionary freely with a flood of rich oaths in his native tongue, possibly Hindustani. MMM hurrying over to help found that the word in question was the name of the president of the Philippines who was on a state visit to India. That somehow ended MMM’s friend’s linguistic research based on newspapers.

Kathipara confusion

The Man from Madras Musings, who had recently gone to attend a wedding at a five star hotel  near Kathipara Junction, had the privilege for the first time in his life of returning via the new flyover that is in place. It was late at night and on coming out of the hotel MMM was advised to take left, access the flyover and then travel on it to come back to Guindy. MMM followed the instruction till he came to a maze of roads, one of which he assumed led to the flyover. Of signboards giving directions there was none. So MMM, despite the advice of his good lady, drove on only to find that he had left the flyover behind without ever getting on to it and was now going at a rapid rate towards Porur with no sign of any spot where he could make a U turn for the flyover. MMM had visions of driving on till he had reached Nandambakkam when his good lady, who is resourceful, noticed a small lane to the right and suggested that MMM take it. MMM did and after a couple of twists and turns found himself at the base of the flyover and, what’s more, with a signboard proclaiming that that was the route to Guindy.

MMM took the signboard’s instruction at its face value and, sure enough, it led to Guindy and MMM was soon home and dry. But what puzzles MMM is that a flyover which had been built at such exorbitant cost does not have clear signage so that everyone knows which road to take for his/her destination.

No rules, please

His Holiness the Dalai Lama was here last week and The Man from Madras Musings and his good lady (she keeps sticking to him like adhesive, doesn’t she?) were among the honoured invitees to listen to him at the University Centenary Auditorium. The issue of invitation cards required that you had to send in passport size photographs, which MMM presumed was meant for a verification (or verivification as is often said in Madras that is Chennai) of identity on arrival. The card was quite clear on dos and don’ts. We were to be in our seats by 12.30 pm. HH would address the audience at 2.00 and we were not supposed to move around till the speech was over. We were to leave cell phones (not that MMM has one, but his good lady has) and handbags (again with good lady only) behind and, being law abiding citizens, WE did. Realising that there would be no parking space at the University, MMM even sent back his driver and car, stating that he, MMM, would find his way back and bring home the good lady as well.

On arrival, there was a kind of queue that you only get to see during days of food and oil shortages. We Chennaiites being good in lateral thinking had naturally formed as many queues as possible, all simultaneously moving towards the auditorium. On the steps there were some monks doing brisk security duty and some security personnel standing around like monks, so deep was their trance. Men and women were segregated for frisking, but as for the photo identity, MMM wondered what happened to it. No doubt the crowds put off any attempt at identification.

MMM entered the auditorium at 12.20 pm. Each ticket was numbered and seating was very orderly, which was all to the good. But it was deeply disturbing to note that several people had managed to come in with cell phones and bags. It speaks very poorly of educated elite if even a simple instruction on an invitation card cannot be followed. Matters – or should it be ‘manners’? –  did not end there. Those that brought phones did not switch them off and His Holiness’ speech was interspersed with various ring tones ranging from Vande Mataram and Sare Jahan Se Accha to Jingle Bells.

As for being seated by 12.30 pm, which was what the card stipulated, people were sauntering in even at 1.45 pm. It made those of us who had followed the instructions very carefully look like fools, for we skipped lunch to be there on time. However, as the doctor has advised MMM to look on the positive side at all times, it must be stated that all movement ceased by 1.55 pm and the programme began as scheduled.

Chennai chills

Make the most of it, is the advice of The Man from Madras Musings. This apparently is the coldest ‘cool weather season’ we have had in ten years in this city. It is, of course, nothing compared to the icy winds that blow up north. And it is definitely warmer than the weather in Mumbai where this season is referred to as winter and woe betide you in case you do not honour it by suitably cladding yourself in woollens,  for the average Mumbaikar takes his winter very seriously.

But Chennai’s cool season has its own charm. The best of it is that the weather ceases to be muggy and there are other topics to converse about than the heat and humidity. The power supply is also reliable.

But, then, the times are changing. It is getting to be much warmer during the day and it is only a question of time before the dog days of summer are upon us. And with that will come the power cuts. But then, we will also have mangoes and nungu. So that is something to look forward to!

- MMM