On Election Duty, Immediate

These days, you amount to nothing if you don’t have the above statement stuck on your car windscreen. The Man from Madras Musings notices that with this notice strategically positioned so that all can read it, you can get your vehicle to do anything that James Bond did with his, and more. The ‘On Election Duty, Immediate (or Urgent)’ is the current equivalent of the red beacon light that was so hated by an emerging political light before it somewhat extinguished itself (by which MMM alludes to the political light and not the beacon light which is going strong). With that notice pasted on, no matter if it is just a newspaper with the message scrawled in red ink, you can jump traffic signals, park your car anywhere, overtake on bridges and, above all, still get policemen to salute you.

There is apparently a class hierarchy in this. With just a red beacon, you can still get by, but that is just about all you can do. Having the ‘On Election Duty (OED)’ sign means you have climbed to stratospheric heights. If you have both, then chances are you don’t read this paper. Probably someone else reads it out to you and only those bits that please your ears, which is very likely to be very little.

‘OED’ has also given rise to another caste division, though ours is technically a casteless society, at least on paper. MMM was made painfully aware of this when he was walking along with a group of well-heeled citizenry. MMM had let his mind wander and he came back to earth only when he heard a business baron suddenly say rather proudly, “Twice”. To which a mega magnate rather disdainfully replied, “Four times”. Whereupon the biz baron looked abashed and turned around to MMM and asked how many. MMM was stumped for an answer. For one, he did not know what was being talked about. Were they enumerating daily bowel movements or divorces or coronary bypasses he wondered. His confusion only increased when another moneybags interjected saying, “Three and always by the Gemini Flyover”. Clarity came when he added that a thorough search was made but nothing was found.

They were it transpired counting the number of times their vehicles had been stopped by the OED men and searched for cash, without which, so MMM has been given to understand, political parties feel the poll process is incomplete. Apparently, the OED brigade also feels the same way and hence stops all and sundry by the wayside and counts their cash. Hang on, did MMM say all and sundry? Well, he was mistaken. To be searched you need to have a certain type of vehicle – it has to be closer to a bus in length, breadth and height than a car. It should also have tinted glasses, though that is really not on as per law. But then when you go around in these uber-sized vehicles, you really are above the law and so such trivialities make no difference. Then, and only then, will you be searched by the OED gang. And going through this ordeal is the new ticket to high society. It reminded MMM of his days in Delhi when businessmen considered Income Tax raids to be badges of honour. The more, the better.

MMM had to rather sheepishly confess that he had not been stopped and searched. Whereupon the others looked pityingly at him and moved on. MMM now has two options before him to shore up his fallen prestige – he either gets a large car or he goes around in his current one with a huge stash of currency notes, hoping that it will be noticed by the OED lot. But as he has no hopes of either – a new car or disposable wads of cash, he has to reconcile himself to being on the fringes of society.

Chaos, set in concrete

The Corporation of Chennai is no doubt patting itself on the back for having embarked on concretising its roads. The idea was originally to do this only for streets and thoroughfares that are not easily accessed by road-laying equipment. But, as The Man from Madras Musings can see, it is now done for whichever stretch takes the Corporation’s fancy. There comes a day when a roaring behemoth that spews concrete arrives in your neighbourhood and settles down for a long stay. The road is cut off to all traffic and the concrete pours forth. It is allowed to set and then the crew vanishes, behemoth and all.

But, as is usual with anything that our Corporation does, there is no concept of planning a forehand or anticipating the consequences of any action. Thus, houses that were all along an inch or two above the road, find themselves a foot below overnight, thanks to thickness of the concrete and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Secondly, the CMWSSB (MMM assumes he has got all the consonants correct and in order), which deals with our water and sewerage, has not shifted its manhole covers or elevated them or whatever it was supposed to do. And, so, the smooth concrete surface is marked here and there with deep craters below which the manholes lurk. Vehicles plying on these roads keep jumping in and out of these depressions which, in the good old tar days, were just a few inches deep but now go down by at least half a foot.

And then, what about the edges? The concrete is not spread up to the footpaths (if they exist) and quite a deep rut now runs between the sidewalks and the road proper. Vehicles going in and out of residences have quite a challenge and as for those who park along the sides (remember that Chennai follows a strict “No parking for visitors “cars” policy) they just cannot get to the edge. They now simply park on the concrete, thereby narrowing road space still further. So, it is chaos as usual.

Makes you want to hark back to the days of good old red earth and bullock carts, does it not? MMM is quite confident that we will eventually get there, given the way we are going about modernising. When our Corporation is with us, why worry?

Tailpiece

Civilisation appears to have come at last to Chennai going by the modern convenience installed by our beloved city’s beloved civic body, just outside Express Avenue Mall. The Man from Madras Musings took a photo which appears alongside hopefully, provided the silhouetted nudity is allowed by the Chief . But who will inform our citizenry that they need to go inside and not behind the structure? You only need to see their behaviour when it comes to any tree, pillar or post.

-MMM