SHORT ’N’ SNAPPY

Restoring heritage, police style

The Royapettah police sta-tion has been part of the regular beat of The Man from Madras Musings. By that he does not mean he is a Known Delinquent (KD in local parlance) but simply that he passes by it almost on a daily basis. For that matter, MMM recalls passing by it even when he was a stripling, a mere mmm, so to speak. He even recalls in those days, and here those who are younger Than MMM will forgive him for slipping into anecdotage, which is the surest sign of dotage, a signboard that used to be on one of the sidewalls of the ­station. This was to ostensibly encourage safe driving and featured a family of five – father, mother and younger child on a scooter with grandmother and older child in a sidecar (remember those?). The message implied that Father was responsible for the well being of everyone in the vehicle(s) and so he better drive carefully. For some reason, that picture has remained in MMM’s mind. Probably because the characters portrayed looked extraordinarily happy.

Be that as it may, the point at issue is not the signboard but the police station as a whole. Over the years it had been allowed to deteriorate, those in occupation complain­ed of lack of space and modern amenities, and so it was high time that the place went in for a makeover. In the past this would have meant wholesale demolition, but, what with the Chief hammering home the message of conservation, attitudes have changed. That led to a new breed-people who talked of preserving old buildings but invariably condemned them to a fate worse than demolition-converting them into museums that nobody visited. But not so the Royapettah police station. It was announced that the police would move out, the older part of the building would be renovated, newer bits would be demo­lished to make way for still newer bits, and, finally, the ­police would move back. ­Every­one who is someone in the world of conservation was delighted. None more so than MMM who conveyed the news to the Chief with a hey nonny no and a hot cha cha.

Work began shortly thereafter. The police moved out and the annexe was pulled down revealing a beautiful gothic rear side of the old building. Shortly thereafter, work began on a new annexe that promises to seal the rear of the main building forever and is quite likely, from what it appears now, to be the ugliest building on the entire stretch – and, mind you, there is no dearth of ugly structures on this road. A large area fronting the police station has been cordoned off to house the construction equipment. But nobody appears to be bothered about the side of the building. This has housed for years a run down white van that probably was confiscated by the police and never claimed by the rightful owner, if ever there was one. Over time, the building and the van seem to have developed an affinity and it is most likely that the van itself is considered an integral part of the building. Or perhaps the walls rest on the van, which if moved will cause the whole edi­fice to tumble. The local popu­lace views the van as a convenient rubbish dump and it will astonish you to know the kind of stuff that rests alongside it – plenty of sawn down trees, a sofa set or two and, some­times, even a discarded water closet. Political parties view the van as an extension of the wall space and paste posters on it.

So, naturally, given its importance, the van has not been shifted and remains where it his long been, despite the hectic construction happening alongside. Last seen, the local cattle have begun to view the cordoned off area in front of the police station as a natural pen and have moved into it. The other day, a couple of cows fought with each other over a plastic bag and provided much entertainment to all. It remains to be seen as to how the entire restoration will pan out. So, watch this space for more.

Railways’ style survey

Those who follow these outpourings of The Man from Madras Musings know that he gets around quite a bit and much of his travel is by train. In the past, MMM has written feelingly about nights of horror when he, as a guest of our railways, has had to deal with filthy toilets, plenty of four, six, eight and even hundred legged co-passengers, and, above all, water supply – either none at all or too much of it, threatening to flood the entire coach. Of his travails caused by fellow passengers-snoring, persistent usage of cell phones, playing videos loudly and, above all, quarrelling in public, MMM will say nothing. After all, the railways are a public service and you cannot choose whom you travel with. If MMM is so finicky, why does he not charter his own plane, as an auto­rick­shaw driver once asked of him. But in short (and MMM would have shortened all of this if he had enough content), MMM has much more to say about our railways and has been biding his time for a suitable opportunity.

Conceive his delight when the other day MMM’s phone rang and the regulation recorded dulcet voice at the other end announced that it was calling from the Indian Railways and would MMM care to answer a survey and, if so, press 1 on his telephone. MMM duly did and the voice expressed its delight. Its first question, it cooed, was on punctuality. On a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being verrrrry bad and 5 being verrrrry good, said the voice) how would MMM rate the railways. MMM unhesi­ta­tingly gave 5. He has no complaint on that aspect of the service and when you know the kind of hazards our railways go through, the most frequent being people talking on cell phones and walking on the tracks, it is really a wonder that trains run on time.

The next question was on food. And here MMM gave the railways a 1. MMM, as you know, has suffered enough, what with coloured water passing off as soup, sambar as a side dish for chappatis because there was no dal, idli-s that you could use to break the emergency window open in case there was a fire and the hammer was not in its usual place, and, of course, chopped onions that would have been fresh when the first railway line was laid. The voice thank­ed MMM once again and he braced himself for the subsequent questions. He fully ­expected these to be on cleanliness of toilets, the hygiene in compartments and the quality of bed linen. But, no, for the railways apparently considered punctuality and food to be the only two concerns that it needs to bother with. Perhaps it was the poor rating that MMM gave on the culinary score, though the voice did not take any offence, but he was immediately thanked profusely and informed that the results of the survey would soon be up in the public media. The call then went dead.

Sure enough, the results were published in newspapers a couple of days later. The railways, said the report, had been rated highly on punctuality and people felt that there had been a marked improvement in this area in the last two years. MMM wondered as to when a survey had been done earlier whose findings could have been used to compare the present rating with and, therefore, from which an improvement could be concluded. There was, however, no mention of the food rating.

– MMM

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