Stand Aside MMM!
The Man from Madras Musings is not sure about you lovely people out there but in matters of deadlines, MMM is of the kind who likes to plan well in advance and ensure everything is in order. In this he differs markedly from his good lady, also known as She Who Must Be Obeyed, for whom last minute chaos is the preferred modus operandi. That she manages to meet all her commitments, and often better than MMM despite all his planning is of course a tribute to her ways of getting things done – chiefly through her eye like Mars, which threatens and commands.
But this episode has nothing to do with She. MMM was travelling by flight, and two days before his journey completed check in, received the e-boarding pass and tried to upload it on the digiyatra app only to find it being rejected repeatedly, much to the puzzlement of MMM, upload he no matter how wisely. MMM, in the midst of many other pressing matters forgot all about it and on the day of the journey reached the airport, was allowed in on the strength of the e-boarding pass, and not having any baggage to check in, reached the boarding gate in good order.
It was only when boarding was announced that trouble began. MMM joined the queue and on reaching the kiosk where they check your boarding passes before allowing you to get on the bus, was asked to stand aside. MMM, being of the law-abiding kind, duly did. Other passengers filed past, several giving MMM a pityingand sometimes suspicious look, curious no doubt to know on what grounds he was being detained. But all was well shortly thereafter and MMM was waved on, and he too boarded the bus, fully aware that by now he was being eyed askance by several in the vehicle.
At the boarding point, the same drama was repeated. The airline staffer looked at MMM’s boarding pass, registered dismay and then having looked MMM up and down, asked MMM if he would kindly step aside to allow others to board. By now, the whispers were becoming loud. A kid with a squeaky voice asked its mother if that uncle was a hijacker and kept repeating the query no matter how often the mom tried to shush it. After everyone else had boarded and MMM was left like Mariana of the Moated Grange, three senior officials came – all apologetic. There was some glitch when MMM had checked in online they said, and he had been checked out by the software but no worries, for his ticket was not cancelled and so he could board. This happens they said, when you check in too far ahead of the flight. They were very contrite and so decided that they all needed to accompany MMM to his seat.
And so it was that a procession of five – two security officials leading the way, MMM in the middle, and two bringing up the rear, came on board a full flight. There were loud buzzes of conversation as MMM was escorted to his seat and the officials left. The flight took off amidst an atmosphere of tension. Fortunately it was a short one and landing was soon announced. But just before that, the airhostess came along and in a hushed whisper asked MMM if he would care to stand by once the aircraft had landed. MMM being of the law-abiding kind, as said earlier, agreed.
But he had to get up as there were passengers seated to his right who could not be kept waiting. And so walked up to the airhostess and waited by her side even as the passengers filed past. One of them suddenly said in a loud voice to his companion that he had recognised MMM and this was the man who spouts on city history. The other, imagining that she was whispering wondered as to what MMM had done.
MMM too had the same query. The air hostess fished out a beautiful greeting card.
“We have seen you often on this route sir,” she said. “And so, season’s greetings.”
MMM accepted the card gratefully and left. But he would have much preferred being given it in front of all other passengers and not in such a cloak-and-dagger fashion.
Discretion, the better part of valour
This is that fortnight when The Man from Madras Musings is viewed with suspicion for no reason. Close on the heels of the above incident, MMM was returning to our beloved city on another flight (he does get around quite a bit does he not?) and met a close friend on board. She very kindly offered to drop MMM at his house as her chauffeur was coming to receive her anyway. MMM accepted gratefully.
The journey home was uneventful except that just within a few hundred feet of chez MMM, the driver decided to jump a traffic light, and the car was duly scooped up by the long arm of the law. The policeman in charge strolled up to the driver, asked him to lower his window and gave him a long lecture on obeying rules of the road. All the while he kept gazing at MMM, in the hope no doubt that MMM would join in, so that ‘commercial’ negotiations could begin.
MMM preferred to remain silent. The way he reasoned it out was like this – here was he, MMM, being driven home in a car that was not his, by a driver who was not his employee and in the company of a woman who was linked to him only by ties of friendship. MMM felt all of this put him in a very weak spot, and policemen, coloured in their views by the nature of their profession, are apt to be suspicious. And so MMM remained silent.
The driver got off and went away with the policeman to a nearby tree and from where MMM sat he could see fierce negotiations ongoing, punctuated every now and then by the policeman gazing hopefully at MMM. But no, MMM was sphinx-like. Eventually, tiring of the hold up, MMM’s friend got off the car, strode up to the policeman and with a few straight words settled matters. The trio was soon back and the policeman, all smiles now, waved the car onwards, but not before remarking that it was strange that the Ayya did not say anything or react in any way. He must have no doubt thought that MMM was a prize imbecile who preferred to let others deal with matters that he ought to be concerned over.