Ringing in the New Year
“And those of you with cell phones, which is probably every one of you, please put them on silent mode…” – The Man from Madras Musings awoke one night from a dream of peace, not to find an angel recording by the side of his bed as it happened in Abou Ben Adhem, but to find that he, meaning MMM and not ABA, had recited those very lines in his sleep. And then he turned over and went back to sleep.
You see, come December each year MMM has to sit in on a music conference each morning for a fortnight, he being the convenor (or is convener?) of it. And in recent years the attendance has gone up quite a bit, requiring some crowd control and some disciplining. And among these, MMM’s pet peeve is the cell phone, which quadruples itself into audio recorder, still photo camera, video camera, and overall nuisance – all four rolled into one.
MMM does not understand it – he unlike the late Chief is a heavy user of the phone and occasionally indulges in what is known as doom scrolling – namely the art of idly scouring social media, but he does know when to draw the line. Or at least tries to. Not so seems to be the case with several others. At least that was the impression MMM got from his audience.
Take for instance, standard operating procedure on being seated – the first act is to take out the cell phone and begin recording the proceedings. When told that there is no necessity to do this as the entire event is anyway being recorded (high quality and not mono) and will be put up the very next day on social media, there is a sense of disappointment. But all is well, for it does not prevent still photos being taken. When that is objected to, there is sullen resignation, which is when the third activity starts, namely browsing idly on the phone, without paying any attention to the actual paper being presented. Of course, the presentation may be below par but if that be the case, those left unimpressed can very well leave the venue. Perhaps the comfort of the padded seat and the air-conditioning prevents this! But for a performer or a presenter, it may be very disconcerting to perform or present before an audience that seems collectively engrossed in its cell phone.
If all that was not enough, the ringing of the cell phone was yet another nuisance. And it was not just the ringing. Despite all the announcements, many did not think they needed to switch to silent mode and so their phones rang. You would have been amazed at how many ring tones there are in this world, almost all of them jarring. The women were bigger offenders than men, for they kept their phone deep in the recesses of their handbags and when the ringing went on and on it took them quite a while to pick up the bag, rummage in its interiors, find the phone and then switch it to silent.
After a couple of days of relentless reminding and occasionally naming and shaming and otherwise glaring at the offender, some order was brought about. MMM felt he could relax his vigil somewhat and let his mind wander. And then it happened – a phone went off in MMM’s vicinity, on stage. It rang and rang, and then having subsided, began once again. It turned out to be the performer’s!
Three Mighty Steps
“And then the Lord took three mighty steps.” The Man from Madras Musings was reminded of his grandmother telling him the story. “With one step he measured the earth, with his next he covered the sky, and then from atop he thundered to Mahabali as to where was to be placed his next.”
You know the story anyway. Poor Bali was perhaps the first victim of landgrab. And was pushed into the nether regions. MMM felt the same when during the height of the music season he was standing at the car park of the Mecca of Music, and was suddenly buffeted from the rear. The blow was so powerful that he practically fell on the two people he was conversing with. But MMM not being of mean bulk could not be dislodged that easily. He recovered quickly to find a man all apologetic behind him.
It transpired that the assailant was busy reading messages on his phone as he climbed down the steps and had then tripped. With one step he took in the entire stairway, with the second he was airborne and the third he placed on MMM’s rear and came back to earth. And all in short, was well. Apologies were freely expressed and MMM, nursing a dull ache in his back, accepted them graciously, and removed himself from the scene.
But the aftermath was not so good. The man had apparently been lunching at the season canteen and also done himself well. He had then gone to the washroom and was coming back with wet hands when this incident had occurred. As a consequence, he had placed his wet hands on MMM’s back leaving behind two soaking palm prints on MMM’s shirt. And judging by the smell that came from it MMM could also guess as to what the man had fed on. Feeling rather like Lady Macbeth and the perfumes of Arabia, MMM had to go home and change. But the sensation lingered.
Culinary Cautions
Talking about the music season, has The Man from Madras Musings ever told you his favourite canteen story? It happened a few years ago when the Goods and Services Tax (GST) was just being brought into force. A December Music Season was in full progress and so was the canteen at a big-ticket organisation. To this place comes a rather unassuming man who orders a cup of coffee. This is duly brought to him and after he has had it he asks for the bill to pay.
“What bill?” is the supercilious reply of the waiter. “Here you pay in cash and get going.”
Not happy with this response the unassuming gent then went up to the bill counter where too he was fobbed off with the same response, with loads of arrogance added to it. The man paid up and left.
The next morning, there was a sales tax raid on the canteen. The owner was quizzed on billing, and the accounts were relentlessly gone through and a fine imposed. It turns out that the unassuming gent was the big boss of GST implementation. It just goes to show that appearances can be deceptive. And it takes all kinds to make a music season. And if you offend someone, be prepared to face the music.
– MMM