When AI is (Not) to the Rescue

The Man from Madras Musings is told that Artificial Intelligence (AI) is now the answer to everything. From the mundane to the esoteric, MMM sees people now using AI. It would appear that in the craze for using AI, natural I has been pigeonholed. While the world worries over job losses owing to AI, MMM wonders whether there ought to be concerns for the way intelligence itself has been rendered irrelevant and therefore given the pink slip.

It is of course not as though AI is all bad. MMM notices people who were terrible in written communication have suddenly begun to display great epistolary skills. Letters today, by which MMM means emails, appear as what can only be termed as flowery messages and flawless at that. MMM who always prided himself on his communication skills is now left with an inferiority complex. His sole talent has been sacrificed to technology.

Faced therefore with the task of writing yet another column for the good old magazine MMM suddenly found himself unable to think. What is it that he could take up that would be fresh, humorous, not be considered elitist, and not give offense to any section of society that happened to read the column? And he found he did not have an answer. Could he have come to the end of fresh ideas? Should he therefore ask AI if it had something to suggest on what could be written for the column? But before that MMM decided to once run through his mind some of the common topics that have proven to be everlasting as far as Chennai is concerned.

There is the matter of the airport. It remains as much an apology for a facility of its kind as it was a few years ago. But MMM has already written enough and more about it and so what is it that could be said which was new? Then there is the matter of the roads. MMM has written so many reams about it that he does not have the energy to take up writing about it once again. Not that it has made any difference for the roads are just as bad as before. Could he write about posters being pasted on walls? No, because that too as a topic has been done to death. What about the chief minister’s convoy blocking traffic every morning in front of MMM’s residence? No, that too has been written about quite often. And if MMM persisted in writing about it there was every danger of a group of people coming and blocking his residence itself, leave alone the road in front of it. Could he write about the behaviour of people at religious shrines? No no! For that would mean riots and we do not want all that trouble, do we? And therefore, MMM seems to have run the full gamut of what he could write about Madras that is Chennai. The cry goes around that MMM has lost it.

And so, MMM decided that he would surrender his soul to AI. He compiled a set of questions, threw in some of the topics that had already been covered by MMM in his columns and then asked as to what is it that he could write about. Believe it or not, he got the following options as his answer — the airport, the condition of the roads, posters on the walls, religious behaviour, and traffic in Chennai city! MMM threw up his hands in frustration and then realized, wait a minute, AI had given him 600 words after all.

Fan mail, from far and near

It was a dull afternoon. MMM was twiddling his thumbs wondering as to what to do next when all of a sudden he received an SMS. And this is what it had to say –

‘Dear, call Sonam for meeting has received your dot. Further details about location will be shared soon.’

MMM has since been left wondering as to what this assignation is all about. What exactly of MMM had Sonam received that she was so keen on a meeting? And since no further details of a location have arrived MMM wonders as to how long he has to wait. Like Barkis he is willing.

It did not end with that, for two days later MMM received an email – Need a loan? We offer all types of loan at affordable rate. To apply, send your name, amount, and duration to westernln15@gmail.com – To this, MMM chose not to reply. We at MM may be short on talent but thankfully we don’t seem to be worried about our finances.

Moving on to fan mail from other parts of the world, MMM is happy to report that MM’s popularity is intact. And here are a couple of samples of what we have received in the last couple of weeks.

From New Delhi we have received in chaste Hindi what has been titled as a Press Vigyapti. It has come in connection with a New Delhi Film Festival where it claims 221 films selected from 37 countries are going to be screened and it asks in Hindi whether MM would be interested in covering the event. MMM has decided not to reply. Firstly, if he did reply, it would have to be in Hindi which is unlikely to bring him brownie points locally. Secondly, if he were to publish the entire letter in MM then he would have to go around searching for Hindi font which would mean a lot of trouble just when we were going to press. And so, you will have to take that particular letter as read.

Some further interesting correspondence has been received at MM which, MMM is glad to say, is in English. One of them is from Ankesh who claims to be the marketing manager of a company called Postpact. He says that he recently visited our website and is so impressed with it that he would like to buy the entire site and he wants to know as to whether we would be open to talking about it! MMM wonders as to what such an offer means – will it mean being sold as slaves to Postpact and then having to work for them night and day or will it mean collecting millions and then retiring to some far-off tax haven, not having to write articles anymore? MMM is still debating on this point.

Lastly, MMM is glad to inform you all that the Make in India campaign seems to be gaining ground. Thus far MM was receiving enticing offers to buy, if you will recollect, heavy machinery from China. MMM is now glad to inform you that offers have begun to come from India. The latest is from a company named Lifton Chains and Tackles Private Limited. It, after hoping that MMM and family are “doing well with their health”, has offered for sale stainless steel chains, link chains and other such equipment for lifting, hoisting, lashing and other applications. The very thought of such activities filled MMM with a nameless fear and he decided that he would be better off not replying to this sales query. The last thing that we need in this life are liftings, hoistings, and lashings.

– MMM