Madras Week Madness
The Man from Madras Musings has finally recovered from the rigours of Madras Week celebrations. It was tiring, what with MMM flitting from event to event, giving speeches, conducting heritage walks, holding forth on matters of no pith or moment and so on. Madras Day was the killer, with three heritage walks, two talks and then some other things thrown in. By the end of the day, MMM was prepared to call it a day, or as they say, What A Day.
Despite all this, and the Chief’s warning ringing in his ears (Never accept more than one event in a day my lad, the problem with you is you do not know when to say no), MMM had plenty of fun, made funnier by the quirky things that happened. And let MMM begin at the beginning. It all began a month or so before Madras Day when a Government Department informed MMM in all confidentiality that it strongly expected that the Lord of the People (LP) would be present at a heritage walk that MMM would conduct on Madras Day and so could MMM please reserve the morning for the department?
Now, MMM, old and wise, knew that such things rarely happen as predicted, but he had no option but to say yes. After all, you don’t say no when there is a chance that LP may lend lustre to an event. And so he said yes and then forgot all about it. But as the date came closer, the number of calls to MMM’s office from the department concerned rose to an extent that those answering them began to feel that a hotline may be more appropriate. But as there was no further talk about LP putting in an appearance, MMM knew that that hope, never strong, had died. Thereafter, MMM was in it only to enjoy the fun.
The first concerned the importance assigned by the department to a chief guest being present. It was initially supposed to be LP and then became a Minister and finally it was the Secretary in charge, provided he/she was not transferred the night before! Then came the question of permissions for the walk, which as it went on lines similar to the previous one MMM will not dwell on but merely request you to see this column in MM dated August 16th. The permission did come, not without its own suspense and then came the question on the number of people. The department said this would run into hundreds as they proposed a publicity campaign. MMM therefore asked them to make arrangements for a public address system as he did not propose to ruin his voice shouting from the rooftops.
By the time the publicity campaign received its numerous approvals it was the night prior to the event. And therefore, only those with owlish tendencies got to see it. When asked about when to report for the event, MMM was informed two days prior that he needed to be at the venue at 6.00 am. As the next two days went by, this was progressively delayed to 6.30, 7.00 and 7.30 am. On the appointed day, MMM went to the venue by 7.30 only to find not a soul. By 8.00 am around 30 people straggled in and we were all set to start. MMM asked for the PA system and was shown a speaker to be dragged about on wheels. This was all to the good. He then asked for the mic whereupon there was confusion. It transpired that the tender for the speaker had forgotten to mention mic and so there was none.
There being just 30 people, MMM managed on the strength of his own voice, and the event went off well with the department people congratulating each other on what a wonderful job they had done.
Madras Week Mess Ups
Two other events that had their own funny moments, though not in the same class as the one above, pertained to a research organisation and a media programme respectively. Those who know The Man from Madras Musings know of his love for flowers – an affinity that is not shared by his good lady, also known as She Who Must Be Obeyed. In her hard-nosed world, such things as flower bouquets are a waste of money with nothing to show for them within a few days. But MMM likes to receive them.
And so, when he was ushered into the chamber of the director of the research organisation he was completely taken in by a lovely floral arrangement which was at the corner of the sofa on which MMM sat. The director drew MMM’s attention to the flowers and said it would be his – the director’s pleasant duty to present them to him MMM, when they mounted the stage. This delighted MMM and he was all anticipation. Conceive his surprise when after introducing him, MMM, to the audience, he, the director, stepped down and of bouquet there was no sign whatsoever! The flowers were never presented to MMM and he of course, was too shy to ask.
The other event was a delight in many ways, more so because the organisers successfully managed to hide from MMM the fact that they were going to present him with an award for what he had been doing by way of promoting the city for several years. It all went off very well, being organised impeccably. It was only on reaching home and unpacking the box that contained the award that MMM discovered that the invoice for the supply of the same was also enclosed. MMM this time did call the organiser and ask him politely if the same had to be paid for. It tickled MMM pink to hear the man tie himself into knots at the other end and hotly deny this. It made MMM’s day.
The Jokes Continue
Madras Day may have come and gone but the city continues to keep The Man from Madras Musings amused. The latest concerns the decision to shift the Assembly and Secretariat from Fort St. George to the Foreshore Estate. MMM received his due share of requests for interviews, all of which he firmly refused. But one caller stands out in MMM’s memory.
“Sir as you may have heard, the CM has announced that the Government will soon vacate Fort St Joseph…”
On that happy note, till next fortnight.