Pedestrian Miracles
You could have felled The Man from Madras Musings in one swoop. Just catching a glimpse of one them as he gazed out of his car window made MMM all weak. And at first he could not even believe his eyes. But as the traffic light was still red, MMM had enough time to gather his wits and take a photograph just to make sure. Miracles do happen in this other Eden, namely Madras that is Chennai. For there it was – a button for pedestrians to press to make traffic come to a halt so that they can cross the road in safety. Singapore, watch out! Chennai is fast catching up.
As to when this had been installed and why it had not caught the attention of the media was something of a surprise. And why had a minister or MLA or at least a Corporation Councillor not done the honours, pressed the first button, posed for a photograph and then walked at the head of a procession across the road? With some luck we could have even got the CM & PM! If this is not newsworthy or worth its weight in gold in publicity, then what else can be?
Having wondered much, it was the turn of MMM to sorrow more. For the gleaming yellow of the pole and the glistening silver of the button itself indicated that none had dared press it. Which can only indicate one of two things. The first is that this facility itself had come under the head of casting pearls before swine for it would seem to indicate that none of the backward Chennaiites had any idea as to what it was for. Their idea of crossing the road is usually to just jump in and then take a chance, leaping among oncoming traffic and making it safely to the other side. The second is that nobody trusts such a button to have any impact. After all, which sane pedestrian in Chennai will expect that the mere press of a button can cause all traffic to come to a standstill so that he/she can cross? And which motorist can be expected to halt just because a mere button has been pressed? After all, is it not a matter of thrill in Chennai to jump red lights, disobey traffic policemen and above all, attempt to go straight in the ‘cycle gap’ left by a larger vehicle that has got its left indicator on and is turning left? If you find that last bit too confusing, MMM apologises but he is aware that there is a category of vehicle driver who thinks he needs to switch on his left indicator to show that he is turning right – in his view the left indicator is meant to show others behind that they can turn left. Who dare says courtesy is dead in our city?
MMM is of the view that no politician worth his/her salt wanted to be involved in the inauguration of such a facility. Imagine claiming credit for it and then having to live in daily fear of people using it and being run over! And the newspapers then publishing headlines that scream – Pedestrian facility inaugurated by XYZ slays six!
And with this we have added one more feather in our cap – a pedestrian amenity that exists on paper and physically but which in practice is beyond useless. You cannot fault our administrators on this but we the people you know are a different class altogether.
In a million years we may become a Singapore.
The Lord of the People at the Town by the Tank
The long weekend that just went by, and this year there are quite a few, saw The Man from Madras Musings driving past the Town by the Tank (TT) at which constituency there was a byelection. By the time you receive this copy of MM, the results will be out and one of the hopefuls would have won. MMM’s drive past coincided with the Lord of the People’s (LP) visit to TT where he was canvassing for his candidate, a person who had switched political sides with such rapidity that even the party faithfuls were a little dazed. But that is not MMM’s story for as you know, we in this publication are above politics. What on the other hand MMM wishes to highlight is that rather like the political affiliations of the candidate, which are hazy at best, LP’s going drive about is becoming increasingly like those of his illustrious predecessors namely Pater, Mater and Fil.
The TT is obviously a place that cannot handle such VIP arrivals and departures but that the fanfare started right from within the city was something of a surprise. Policemen standing at signals where they never are usually, and then what is known as posse of them at various places, all of them confabulating busily on what should be done when LP passes by. As the city thinned out and the mofussil took over, there were plenty of cut outs, the round variety so liked by Mater Dei being the dominant specimen. This is in case you are not aware the most impactful, or looked at another way, the biggest obstacle to cross. You cannot go under it, and if you wish to do so sideways, then you need to be right in the middle of the road. The vertical cutouts had LP in various postures, the most popular being the one where he folds his arm across his chest in a scythe-like gesture. MMM is told Fil unfortunately did this just before the election, and LP has taken to it with a vengeance.
This being around 10.00 am, the usual spirited gaiety that accompanies such state visits upcountry had not yet made itself manifest. But of bands and orchestra there was plenty, all raucous. At various places, buses had arrived and were offloading cheerleaders – MMM is told the service to drop them back home does not exist and so how they manage after the spirited gaiety is a question. As MMM drove on and lunchtime approached, he noticed various makeshift kitchens churning out the now Tamil dish of biryani by the tonne. And all along, the number of policemen and women got bigger and bigger. You could say that they even exceeded the numbers of the faithful who MMM noticed seemed rather lukewarm about the byelection.
By early afternoon, activities seemed to be reaching fever pitch and as MMM was leaving the TT area he decided to ask if LP was expected any time soon. That he had not even left his home was the reply. And he would be at TT late in the evening. Which brought to mind other nightmarish incidents of the past that MMM will not dwell on. But he could not help wonder as to the plight of the poor policemen – imagine being asked to stand around from the morning, for something that will happen late in the evening. What energy would they have to monitor law and order after so many hours?
As a state we need to take a hard look at VIP bandobust as it is known. It seems a farce on many fronts.
– MMM