Driven Around the Bend

What is it about our country that makes even the smallest dealings with statutory authorities seem like a major battle and the slightest result being obtained seems like a major achievement like climbing Mount Everest? At least that is how The Man from Madras Musings views it. Of course, in MMM’s view Madras that is Chennai is nothing compared to Calcutta that is Kolkata in this matter and MMM’s terror of dealing with the government probably stems from early trauma in negotiating with the babus in the latter city. After all, when MMM in his present status of the celebrated MMM cannot deal with the government, can you imagine his plight when he was a mere CCC [cherubic child of Calcutta]?

MMM having recently reached a landmark age, required his driving licence to be renewed. He was assured by several others who had gone through the process that it was now, what in local parlance would be termed, a jujube. There was no reason to engage a tout said MMM’s advisors and all that MMM had to do was to present himself at the RTO office and do the needful, after applying online. However, being the burnt child that dreads fire, MMM decided to do the needful using one of his office assistants. In matters such as these he is very much like one of those maharajas of yore who on being asked to sign the Treaty of Accession when India became independent did so and then rather than present himself in person chose to send the document through his man.

MMM’s assistant applied online and then informed MMM that as far as the personal appearance was concerned nothing could be done other than MMM going to the RTO office in person. The process demands a photograph to be taken at the premises said the assistant and if MMM wanted his image to be on his driving licence then he had better go. To ease the pain MMM’s assistant offered to stand in the queue so that MMM could come just when his turn was imminent. This MMM agreed to with gratitude and matters proceeded accordingly. The call soon came through and MMM girded his loins to make his personal appearance at the RTO office.

Considering that an RTO is supposed to deal with driving licences, you would expect such offices to be located on main roads with easy accessibility. MMM is not sure of your experience but as far as he is concerned, he has noticed that all RTO offices are holes in the corner, easily missed, and of a uniform shabbiness that could be easily taken to be standard operating procedure. A rusty set of chairs, dark walls that have not seen a coat of paint since the day the office was opened, cobwebs, and a plethora of notices pasted all over the premises. MMM, who prefers to have his surroundings of a certain tidiness, looked neither left nor right but proceeded to the cubbyhole where the grand panjandrum who held the high and low over matters of licence sat. He was offered a seat and then asked to look at a camera. He was then informed that he could leave and that the driving licence would arrive by post within a couple of days.

All this while MMM’s phone was busily buzzing, and on emerging into daylight he found that he had received a series of messages from the RTO informing him of every stage of the process of his driving licence. Miraculously, he had cleared each one of them. He came home greatly impressed and then waited eagerly for the arrival of the licence. Ten days went by and there was no sign of the promised document. During these days MMM drove around the city in mortal terror of being apprehended by the police for some trifling offence and then being found to be without a licence. After ten days he could bear it no longer and sent his assistant to find out as to what had happened to the licence.

The assistant went grumblingly, stating that there was no purpose in following up on these matters as it was all automated these days. But he did return with news. The licence was ready said the officer, but it had not been dispatched. Why? Because there was no one to take the licences to the post office from where they could be sent to the applicants. This was a weak link in the chain that no amount of onlining and automating could solve. And therefore, there were around 100 driving licences all kept pending. But be of good cheer said the officer, for that was the day when the postman was coming and the driving licences would be dispatched. And so it came to pass after a delay of around two weeks MMM did get his. He now wonders as to why the licence itself cannot be made downloadable so that once it has been approved, the applicant can get it online and print it for himself or herself.

The posters are back!

It was just a couple of issues ago that this periodical carried an article about how the new government was seriously cracking down on the poster menace. The Man from Madras Musings wondered even then as to whether it was wise to carry the story, for in his view such promises are generally of a very fleeting nature. And sure enough, he was proved to be right. The Lord of the People released recently to much excitement and what should the followers of the Lord of the People do but put up posters everywhere lauding the Lord for having acted in the Lord of the People? Outside the theatre where the Lord of the People premiered, the followers of the Lord put up not just a cut-out of their idol which is what you would have expected under normal circumstances in Tamil cinema, but they chose to create the facade of an entire fort probably to indicate to the meanest intelligence that the Lord of the People was now the Lord of the Fortress. Consequently, what little remained of the sidewalk in front of the theatre was blocked off not just with this facade and the cut-outs, but huge ornamental gateways created out of palm fronds, plantain leaves, and bananas. MMM is not sure as to whether the film justified all the excitement, but he is certain that if the facade is not removed soon, it will cause excitement of other kinds, associated with accidents and ambulances.

The Lord clearly viewed such rules as being applicable to those outside his flock. Or is it that the flock viewed his sage observances to be applicable to only those who are outside his fold? MMM is not certain. But he is quite clear that Father, Son & Co who are in the Opposition will not have much to say on this, for in their time they were as toothless as the Lord when it came to fighting the poster menace.

Tailpiece

It was in Mughal times that they bricked up a dancer alive. The Man from Madras Musings notices that of the three statues of women in dancing poses that were put up under a flyover, one certainly seems very near being bricked up. The tiles are rising as you can see in the pictures alongside.

– MMM