Yet another (Not) Madras Day

Chief, wherever you are, The Man from Madras Musings is certain that you are receiving your copy of Madras Musings. Or perhaps you are reading it on the computer as you always called it no matter that it had transitioned from being a mainframe to a desktop to a laptop to a tablet and then to a cell phone even while you were in our midst. Something tells MMM that you are reading it only in physical format, no doubt managing to get your personal copy in whichever cloud equivalent of the Madras Club you happen to be at this moment.

MMM can hear even your impatient snort at that preamble and your muttering that you wish that MMM would get on with the core of the matter. And so MMM will Chief, knowing as you do that your word is law to MMM. You would have realized by now Chief that yet another Madras Day has come along and we are planning to celebrate it in the usual fashion, with talks, walks and other such programmes. You will also be happy to know Chief that the number of naysayers questioning as to why Madras Day or Madras Week even needs to be celebrated seems to be on the wane. Or perhaps they have moved on to complain and carp about other things. However, MMM hastens to point out that one or two specimens still survive and they have not been consumed by bears like those who made fun of Elisha in the good book.

And so it was Chief that MMM was confronted with one such and the conversation went as follows:

Naysayer: Madras was not founded by the British.

MMM: I agree

N: it was not founded on August 22, 1639

MMM: I too have my doubts

N: Therefore, Madras Day should not be celebrated on that day.

MMM: Why don’t you then suggest another day to be celebrated as Madras Day?

N: Hmm, let me think about it. Anyway, celebrating Madras Day is a colonial concept.

MMM: But if you say that the British did not found Madras and we agree, then what is it of the colonial past are we celebrating?

At this point N slunk away no doubt to resurface next year in the month of August. We on the other hand, do not need August for celebrating. Be of good cheer Chief, we are attending to the matter and as you will read in the next issue of this magazine, we would have celebrated Madras Day in the manner in which it should be celebrated.

Caught in a maze of approvals

’Tis that month of the year when everybody gets caught up in a fever of heritage walking, talking, (sadly) mocking, rocking, hawking – in short, the many ways in which they can celebrate the city. This is also that time of the year when people suddenly wake up to the existence of The Man from Madras Musings. And his phone never stops ringing or buzzing or vibrating – in short, the many ways in which a cell phone can make a nuisance of itself. Thus it was that MMM received a call which he initially ignored and then on perceiving that the caller was perseverant, realized that it could only be a government department and therefore made haste to answer.

The caller wanted to know as to how his department could associate with MMM’s heritage walk. MMM replied that the caller and his department would be more than welcome to join in and be present when the walk was conducted. This the caller accepted with grace and added that he also wanted to know whether MMM needed any help. It was then that MMM decided that he ought to seek permission to enter a monument that is out of bounds and which, if given access to, would give his proposed walk that extra edge which makes all the difference. The caller at the other end said that certainly it would be done and hung up.

A day later the caller was back, this time wanting to know as to which department of the government he would need to get permission from. MMM was rather taken aback for surely one department of the government ought to know other departments? But apparently this was not so and so MMM had to find out and pass on the information. The caller thanked MMM and said that he would soon be back. Days went by and MMM forgot about the matter completely till the evening before the heritage walk. It was then that he decided that he would call the caller, not with much hope for as you may all know from experience, no government official ever answers a phone call but always expects you to answer when they call. Miracles however do happen and MMM was blessed with a response, but in the negative. The caller said that try as he might the department that was in control of the monument had behaved like the proverbial deaf adder and had refused permission.

This to MMM was something of a disappointment but he decided to think it over and sure enough he was rewarded with a brainwave. In Madras that is Chennai, you always know someone who knows someone who knows someone else who can put you in touch with the man-in-charge and that is exactly what happened. A couple of calls later MMM had secured the permission which was beyond the scope of a government department!

The walk went off very well with the monument being the icing on the cake and everybody very happy. That very afternoon however, MMM noticed that the man-in-charge and at the end of the line of contacts from someone who knew someone who knew someone else had been transferred from the department that gave the permission. Of course this was a mere coincidence, for it was one among many transfers in the bureaucracythat day but it just gives you an idea as to how governments work.

Oh, by the way, Happy Madras Day!

– MMM